Tamira

Thank you all for your comments the other day.  I was in a bad space and really needed the encouragement you all offered.  I’ve taken a few baby steps to get myself back on track.  I’ve purged my house of all thing offensive and will be going to the grocery store today to purchase the proper food items that I need.  I’ve left my money and credit cards home so that I cannot go to the vending machines or convenience stores during the day, and will have no choice but to eat the food I have brought with me to work.  I’ve also recommiteed myself to not drinking coffee all day.  Coffee black is not the problem, it’s all the crap I dump into it.  I am back to counting my calories and I can’t believe how much I was ingesting in one day. 

And the biggest “baby” step of all, is I asked one of my co-workers to come to the gym with me.  I’m not one to stand someone up, so this will hold me accountable for showing up.  I’ve never had the problem of working out at the gym, gettnig there has always been my biggest hurdle.  Keep you fingers crossed for me.   I don’t plan to weigh in for 2 weeks and I HOPE the results are what I expect.  Right now, I’ll be happy with any lose, it doesn’t have to be significant!

Buddies, let me first say that I am proud of all of you for doing so well!  It looks like the Red vs. Blue challenge is really motivating everyone to stick to their goals.

As for me, I have been on a self-destructive pattern that is SEVERLY counterproductive to all the hard work I put in last year.  I’m way to embarassed to tell you all how much weight I have gained in the New Year.   I know what I need to do, but I have absolutely NO motivation to get it done.

I thought about Jo’s “get on a new wagon” philosphy, so I decided to check out the Fat Smash Diet.  While looking for the book online, I discovered that Dr. Ian is coming out with a new book,  The Extreme Fat Smash Diet.  It will not be available for purchase until March 20th, but I don’t think my body can wait that long for me to get back on track. 

I wish I could make the effort like Nikki, Char and Luella to prepare my own meals at home, but I honestly don’t have the energy when I get home.  I know I can batch cock on the weekends, but I don’t want to spend what little time I have to relax and play with my daughter in the kitchen.  I know as I type this, that these are all excuses, but it’s so much easier to eat the frozen meals, which requires no thought or major preparation.

I know a lot of this has to do with the weather, with it being too cold to exercise outdoors.  Since I’m not good with staying with exercise tapes or going to the gym, most of my exercise has come from walking around my neighborhood. 

Right now, I wish I had Dr. Oz and Richard Simmons to come to my house and throw all the crap that I have been consuming in the trash for me.  I’ve debated for months about buying a treadmill, and the only thing holding me back is the fear of paying hundreds of dollars for something I’ll only use for 2 months or so.  I know I shouldn’t have such a defeatist attitude about it, but this has been the case with me purchasing exercise equipment in the past.

I think I have such a hard problem with this is when my moods sway the way they do, I don’t have anyone to actively talk and vent to.  I feel like I need a sponsor that I can call during week moments, like they have in AA.  It helps that I can come on here and vent, but nothing beats a live person to distract you from your actions and get things off your chest. 

Thanks for listening (reading) to me rant!  Happy Belated Valentine’s and Presidents’ Day to you all!