Tamira

So, my choices were assorted sandwich wraps, potato salad, pasta salad, green salad, potato chips, cupcakes, cookies and dessert bars.  I filled my entire plate with green salad with a low-cal raspberry vinagraite dressing and NO croutons.  Then I add half of a turkey and cheese wrap to my plate, removed the cheese and added mustard.  When I sat down with my co-workers to eat, of course the first question was “Where is the rest of your food?!”  Since I am not ready to disclose that I’m on my second attempt at this, I simply said that I was being good because Thanksgiving is coming and I want to be able to enjoy it.  “But where is your dessert?” was the next question.  And I countered with, I’ll have it during Thanksgiving! 

It’s funny that no one says anything (in your face anyway) whenyour plate is overflowing, but when you eat normal healthy portions, you get questioned.  America is so accustomed to everything being supersized, that we forget how much (or little) we are really supposed to eat.  Even when I was running along side the wagon, I still did not eat large portions.  My body was still used to eating smaller portions, so I’d pretty much only get the kids meal when eating out.  Some restaurants will let you do that now and just charge you and extra $2.  For me, it’s worth it since I was raised as a member of the clean plate club.  It’s still hard for me to leave food on my plate and the portion sizes today are absurd. And now, with restaurants offering better kid menu option, it’s great.

I hope you all have a happy and SAFE Halloween and stay away from all of your temptations.  I can’t wait to hear how every managed.

I’m grateful that I am on the second leg of my journey.  After having my experiences last year I am no longer trying to figure out what works for me, portions, etc.  Yesterday was a breeze for me.  I did have a few pieces of candy, but since I had eaten responsibly during the day, I was still within my calorie range.  I also didn’t give in to past thoughts of, “I had some candy and I’ve blown it for the week, so let’s go to IHOP!”.  In the past, that is exactly what I would have done, but I know it’s not an all or nothing thing anymore. 

I’m grateful that the buddies I made in the past are still here for me and still full of support several months after my disappearance.  And finally, I’m grateful that I have learned many lessons at an age where I am young enough to do something about it and change my life and my health forever.  Some of those lessons, I have learned from my great grandmother, so in celebration of her, Happy Dia de los Muertos! 

First this morning, i weighed myself and I was 217.1 lbs from 220.9 on Sunday.  I’m not counting a 3.8lb weight loss until Sunday when it will be official, but it will sure make sticking to my plan at the Halloween Party today SO much easier!

Secondly, they announced our new benefits for next year this morning and they are adding discounts for weight loss programs.  This is the first time I’ve worked at a company that has even attempted to help out with weight loss.  No offense to anyone who needs it, but I get frustrated whenever smoking cessation medication is covered and weight loss meds are not.  I can’t say which one is more hazardous to your health, but they are both VERY serious addiction problems and deserve at least equal attention.  Of course, they have not announced what the discounts will be and in what capacity, but I’m glad that they are at least taking the step forward.

Halloween was a challenge last year, but this year will be much easier for me.  My daughter went to a Halloween carnival on Saturday and collected plenty of candy.  Since I raided most of it, I’m over the sugar rush.  And since I officially got back on track yesterday, it doesn’t count(yeah, right)!  So, now that I have it out of my system, I have no desire for the treats tomorrow.  There is still plentyin her pumpkin and I havent been tempted since Saturday.  This will make tomorrow a LOT easier.  My next “challenge” will be my company Halloween lunch.  I just have to remember all of the tools I learned last time around and divide my plate up into 1/2 salad, 1/4 fruit, and 1/4 whatever I want.  Doing this in the past has helped me tremendously.  Since I eat everything in the order I listed above, by the time I get to the “bad” food, I’m already full of the good stuff and don’t really eat it.  Wish me luck!

Well, I’ve conquered two of my bigget problems today.  I haven’t had my daily cup(s) of coffee and I didnt grab any of the goodies leftover from a meeting.  The past few months, I’ve been doing both with no consider of the consequences.  Now that the consequences are slapping me in the face, I have no choice.  I do mis smy coffee, but I miss ME even more.  I know this will be a daily thing, but I’m willing to recommit myself to this every single morning.  It’s great to be back and have a forum to get things out.  Even with no comments, I feel better just being able to get things off of my chest.

Hello all,

I am back and 18 pounds heavier than when I started almost 2 years ago.  I lost 78lbs last year and went from an 18/20 to an 8 in 11 months.  The problem was that I have been heavy for the past 9 years now and my brain could not reconcile the image being seen in the mirror.  As much as people were telling me how great I looked, i coudn’t see it.  I KNEW my clothes were a lot smaller (and cheaper), but I just couldn’t see the difference.  Now that have put almost 90lbs back on, I can see the difference.  Not only can I see it, but I can feel it.  My mobility has significantly decreased, which is something that i am not accustomed to dealing with.  I know my emotional health played a bit part of my relapse, but all I can do is deal with that as well as I can and know that my emotional health affects every aspect of my life and health overall.

This time, aside from you guys, this will be a private journey.  I think I added a lot of pressure to myself when everyone saw me losing weight here at work and were asking me for diet advice and weight loss tips, when for the most part I was still winging it myself.  I’ve always loved to eat, even when I was very thin, but I have to learn (again) that indulgences every once in a while is okay, but I can no longer take the easy road in battling this demon.

How is everyone?

Thank you all for your comments the other day.  I was in a bad space and really needed the encouragement you all offered.  I’ve taken a few baby steps to get myself back on track.  I’ve purged my house of all thing offensive and will be going to the grocery store today to purchase the proper food items that I need.  I’ve left my money and credit cards home so that I cannot go to the vending machines or convenience stores during the day, and will have no choice but to eat the food I have brought with me to work.  I’ve also recommiteed myself to not drinking coffee all day.  Coffee black is not the problem, it’s all the crap I dump into it.  I am back to counting my calories and I can’t believe how much I was ingesting in one day. 

rn

And the biggest “baby” step of all, is I asked one of my co-workers to come to the gym with me.  I’m not one to stand someone up, so this will hold me accountable for showing up.  I’ve never had the problem of working out at the gym, gettnig there has always been my biggest hurdle.  Keep you fingers crossed for me.   I don’t plan to weigh in for 2 weeks and I HOPE the results are what I expect.  Right now, I’ll be happy with any lose, it doesn’t have to be significant!

Buddies, let me first say that I am proud of all of you for doing so well!  It looks like the Red vs. Blue challenge is really motivating everyone to stick to their goals.

rn

As for me, I have been on a self-destructive pattern that is SEVERLY counterproductive to all the hard work I put in last year.  I’m way to embarassed to tell you all how much weight I have gained in the New Year.   I know what I need to do, but I have absolutely NO motivation to get it done.

rn

I thought about Jo’s “get on a new wagon” philosphy, so I decided to check out the Fat Smash Diet.  While looking for the book online, I discovered that Dr. Ian is coming out with a new book,  The Extreme Fat Smash Diet.  It will not be available for purchase until March 20th, but I don’t think my body can wait that long for me to get back on track. 

rn

I wish I could make the effort like Nikki, Char and Luella to prepare my own meals at home, but I honestly don’t have the energy when I get home.  I know I can batch cock on the weekends, but I don’t want to spend what little time I have to relax and play with my daughter in the kitchen.  I know as I type this, that these are all excuses, but it’s so much easier to eat the frozen meals, which requires no thought or major preparation.

rn

I know a lot of this has to do with the weather, with it being too cold to exercise outdoors.  Since I’m not good with staying with exercise tapes or going to the gym, most of my exercise has come from walking around my neighborhood. 

rn

Right now, I wish I had Dr. Oz and Richard Simmons to come to my house and throw all the crap that I have been consuming in the trash for me.  I’ve debated for months about buying a treadmill, and the only thing holding me back is the fear of paying hundreds of dollars for something I’ll only use for 2 months or so.  I know I shouldn’t have such a defeatist attitude about it, but this has been the case with me purchasing exercise equipment in the past.

rn

I think I have such a hard problem with this is when my moods sway the way they do, I don’t have anyone to actively talk and vent to.  I feel like I need a sponsor that I can call during week moments, like they have in AA.  It helps that I can come on here and vent, but nothing beats a live person to distract you from your actions and get things off your chest. 

rn

Thanks for listening (reading) to me rant!  Happy Belated Valentine’s and Presidents’ Day to you all!

Since I am back on track, I had a very good weigh in.  Nothing to report to Mary’s challenge yet, but I am 2 lbs away from my pre weight.  Once I lose 3lbs, I can finally post my weight ticker up on the forum pages without feeling like a fraud!   So, hopefully, I can still lose the 20lbs I committed to for the Memorial Day challenge.  According to the calendar, I have plenty of time to do it, losing 1.5lbs a week.  I just have to stay focused and committed (and exercise). 

rn

Other than that, all is well.  I’ve spent the last two weekends trying to find the perfect items for goodie bags for my daughter’s birthday parties.  I don’t give out candy and she’s very particular about the toys items.  We have been to at least 4 different party stores, 2 dollar stores and a craft.  I’ll be glad when birthday parties are her and a few friends going to the movies and calling it day.  As it stands, there is the cupcake shindig at her school on Friday, the Family event on Saturday and the Friends party on Sunday.  Thank Goodness I only have one child!